When I was a kid, my grandma said gladly: “Oh, Nikchen, you can yourself fortunate if you later times not too pretty and not very successful. That fact makes it not easier.” in my head, all trains collided even before they could reach the station. My mom found: “if you have a handful of good friends, then you’re already pretty rich”. I understand that at least more than it. I had it 50 friends. Or 60. Or even more. I finally never again thought about all this. I found myself never too pretty, always thought I could be much more successful and have ever since I can remember, the best friends you could wish for. People who ground myself and love, although most of them do not understand what I’m doing here at all. “Something about fashion and the Internet just.” and I would say, there are certainly more than five.
Then I caught up with Lena. Lena is the same age as me, beautiful, and very, very successful. After the invoice of my grandmother she should lead a pretty solitary life so. “How are you?”, I ask. “Good, good. If women just were not such beasts.”
Lena flipped a switch in my brain with her set, which I myself never had dared to touch. She expressed what I dared to think me so far only with a cigarette and red wine. Only once I spoke something like “well, it’s no wonder that so many men are heads. You think anyway they are the best stallions in the barn and put together super teams, to drive the project forward. Don’t be afraid to their position. Women tend to take the applicant, which is a bit less talented – for fear of competition.”
This is of course not a rule, but a quite existent problem. “what happened?”, I ask Lena after the second glass of sparkling juice with whistle. “I am sorry”, she says.
After three hours, I must admit me I know what she is talking about. Anyway not everything is so rosy as I care to convince me. Lost girlfriends in the past twelve months: two. Has flowed tears: zero. Because the man tends to build walls. Me too.
Of course I’ve been following the comments on my own blog. Most are sweet, sincere or characterized by constructive criticism. I like that. What I don’t like: dirty tricks, I can not klamuseln, swipes, for which I can find no logical explanation. Often I find responses other readers who jump into the breach for us then: “you’re just jealous.” it would be a lie, I would argue now, never the same to have typed and deleted. But something you may think something testifies to the infamous flying high. And I’m really not a fan of the disappearing floor underfoot, and certainly not by vague declarations. I think to do to it with the reference “envy mutton” pretty simple.
I am not even blame when I present myself on the Internet in a manner that displeases some simply? Knowing that I never the chance of a cup of coffee with the so-called “trolls” will have, is to show them that with me well eat cherries and suggesting that my occupation and my work-related focus on mode, not a chronic brain amputation on my part? Clear. Therefore, whining is not allowed. But what about the real, true life? With the real people who look me in the eye and glow against subtle aggression?
That make me sad. Lena says: “the bad thing is that you can’t do anything right. It doesn’t matter what you say – at the end that is exactly what this out, which allow this people to alcohol in the flame of their Gräuels tilt.” “you’re mad at them?”, I ask. “Sometimes. But I know that not everyone can like me. I know that I am much wrong and if you tell me what is wrong, then I can apologize. But sometimes it’s not so easy. I can’t find anything I could apologize for the just. And then I know that I have no fault in the void between us. More than my counterparts.”
Lena wipes himself at the end but still a small tear from the cheek. Be because nothing is as bad as powerless against the course of events. “And then I know that I have no fault in the void between us. More than my counterparts.” maybe thats the answer Yes. Friends can apart living so something happens also with relations. But may I be so mad? Maybe it actually is hard to look forward to if you are even slightly unhappy for someone. It is even more difficult when two worlds collide. If you don’t notice that your life outside considered looks quite different than it is.
So far I was good at, things to hear. “what’s your prominent life in Berlin?”. I laugh only, but have a feeling that this was not nice meant that although it shows me the most beautiful smile. And because I’m getting tired to explain that these guest lists events belong to my job, that I would drink also prefer beer to the Samy, that this “great Internet people”, with whom I recently stood on the street, my friends are not stupid hipster, but heart people. That I only can afford new shoes because I parallel three jobs. And therefore the bad feeling remains easily in the air.
“I was last week with A. celebrate, you know definitely, which is totally great, and then we are still a secret concert and later plus 1 on the after show party.” I realize that the friend who told me all of this does not say, to tell me of a good time. I notice that she does, because she thinks she should keep. I still say “nice”. Because I was so far good to hear things. Because I react like a mum who acts like she doesn’t know what is dope. The blessing is not wrong and the illusion of the heal world can further exist.
And then comes the point where you give up. When you realize that there’s no going back. When you have to admit, that everything has its time. You’re hiding successes and buhlst to the love of friend who has long been a driving. For it again to see who you are, do everything, instead of only that which you are doing during the day. Wall building. But at some point everything supports a. Because there is no solution for this. You can ask anyone if he had a problem with your success, unless you want that jealousy becomes hatred. Lena says: “I understand, now, what does your grandma. If you are mediocre, you have to sell it for nothing. Why surprised it is even about that one either has friends that are at eye level, or just friends, which pursue different goals in life? This is natural selection, the normal loss of relationships, of which our parents whenever talk?” “maybe”, I say. I light a cigarette at me and think: this is now like the dump after the one-night stand. Still a train and then everything is over. Because at some point you have to let go.
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